Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
