Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
