Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
