you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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