how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
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