Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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