remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
