I'm jealous of your bromance
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
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