I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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