My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
it's like iHOP with fire
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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