He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
So much rum. So many feels.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
