I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
