Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
