I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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