Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
