You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
