so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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