If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
home. puking in laundry basket.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
