Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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