Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
