I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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