More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize