At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
