Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
