i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
