she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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