the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
She said her name was "party"
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
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