Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Holy shit dude........stairs
True college students do jello shots in the library
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
