Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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