Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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