Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Randomize
