I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
