no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
