I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
