found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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