I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
