Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
