I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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