i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
