You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
