So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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