I accidentally had phone sex last night
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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