I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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