I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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