My nipple is on Facebook.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
