Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize
