I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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