i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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