Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
then he tried to convert me to islam
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
