i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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