i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
