Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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