We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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