Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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