The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
