he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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