I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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