Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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