The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
