ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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