dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
