Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
