Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
my liver is dry heaving
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Randomize
