He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
