dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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