if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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