The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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