you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
