omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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