I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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