New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
