So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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