he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I want to be your penis for a week.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
