in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize