chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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