You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
